straight from my journal.

... but today, i felt happy. and that feeling doesn't happen often. so it's worth recording because it's a beautiful feeling.

 i have a beautiful home. today i am grateful. today i am hopeful.

 & i try my best to remember this...

stare blankly

i've considered many of times to just fucking start all over and begin a new blog. but i have a hard time betraying what was me, and the idea of not bringing you who i am.

we are drunk on the idea that love can and will save us. but what about when it doesn't? where do you turn? how do you move forward? how do you become okay with your brokenness? i think that is what we are all desperately searching for. if only i get this---- and then that---- but the thing is you cannot runaway from who you are, it will always catch up with you.

confessions

1. I discovered Summer Heights High a long time ago, and it still never gets old. neither does quoting it daily...

2. my parents forced me and my siblings to take piano lessons when we were younger. we were all way too distracted to focus so our teacher had to bribe us with the "prize of the week"... and now i regret not learning. i wish i could play.

3. i've had a crush on joseph gorden-levitt since he was on "10 things i hate about you"

4. i hatee the freakin jonas brothers... however, i am possibly the last person to catch bieber fever,  after watching his live performance of  "pray" at the AMA's

5. i think jesse eisenberg is a brilliant actor and i have always loved his work. he finally got the recognition he deserves for "The Social Network"

6. i go through phases of feeling "defeated" and doubting myself... like who am i to think i am good enough to want to pursue acting? who am i to dream big? --- but, i think that it is one of the first steps toward success. and i keep on trying.

7. i think Lady Gaga is playing the biggest joke on the music industry. i think she is just really good at keeping a straight face. she is aware of the fact that she is wearing a meat dress or a 20 ft glitter thing on her head. shit we can all walk out with meatloafs on our heads and walk around like "i am the shit, i am an artist."

confessions #4

1. i have the most thoughts in my head when i say nothing at all. sometimes i don't know what to say. sometimes i don't know where to start. and sometimes i'm so tired of the same old story being told over and over that i just don't want to waste my words on you anymore. so i don't. 2. Emma Stone is my current girl crush. i think she is rad as fuck. i lovee her work, i love her raspy voice. i love that she is not naturally a red head but after superbad she kept the look-- it suits her! she has a long career in store for her, i feel it. & she has a new movie coming out called "Easy A"
3. Micheal Cera's face makes me laugh every single time i see it. hahaha i am laughing write now... awkwardly alone at the airport starbucks.
3. steve carell is right up there with my favorite comedians of all time (Paul Rudd, Jason Segal, Adam Sandler...)

4. this little chart below is the story of my pathetic life...5. music will always be a part of me. i have music on from the moment i wake up to when i go to bed. i go crazy without it, i literally can't think or drive from point A to B in silence.

6. pinkberry is like crack. my summer addiction: mango & original swirl. with kiwi, blue berries, one scoop of perline hazel nut topping (SOO FUCKING GOOD) & yogurt chips. mmm7. i really miss "The O.C." & more importantly seth cohen. hes my favorite geek hearthrob of all time. seth & summer forever!! get back together you two!!!
8. i have always secretly been a lakers fan, but everyone was like oh my gahh like you're like so nawt from LA you like know that right? YEAH BITCH. now i'm a local. suuuup go lakers.

confessions #3

1. i could spend hours on imdb.com-- i'm beyond curious about where actors/actresses came from & how their careers came about.2. my current girl crush is miranda kerr. she's gorgeous!!

3. one thing i will do before i die is help raise awareness for eating disorders. the lack of knowledge that the public has is heinous. it's a touchy subject, so people avoid taking about it. but not talking about it won't solve any problems, it only enhances them...

so many girls suffer alone and don't know how to get help. i want to be a part of something that can help those who suffer.

4. i love summer in LA! i actually forget it's summer half the time because i am so busy, but i saw my sister's picture that said "nashville summertime" and i kind of took a moment to appreciate summer before it's gone. with that said, beach day coming SOOOOON!
5. i am ADDICTED to blended chai teas. especially the divine spice chai tea from Urth Cafe.

6. since i am having difficulties with Zac Efron ditching Vanessa Hudgens, I have decided that joseph gordon-levitt will be my future husband. NBD.

7. i started watching californication... OBSESSED!!!! must watch.

confessions #2

1. i fantasize about being a ballerina, but i do not have the talent. :) i think ballet is beautiful and graceful.
2. i wish it was socially acceptable to dress as if i was at a music festival all day, every day.

3. i say FUCK way too much. it is one of my favorite words.... haha

4. i quote the little rascals every time i want something really badly.

-(my brother)"how do you plea?"

-(my line)"Liiiike this: please oh please have mercy oh please!!!"

-"hmmm thats a prettty good pleaddding"

5. i'm a coffee addict, especially STARBUCKS.
6. i have a girl crush on Zooey Deschenel.

7. i wish i would listen to my advice more. lol. i try! but hey now....