just breathe.

"I'm lucky to breathe, I'm lucky to feel,

I'm glad to wake up, I'm glad to be here"

-Jimi Hendrix

"You seem to believe you

Belong to somebody else

When you leave me alone in this world

You know that I'm in hell

When you know what it's like

To be lonely and by yourself"

-La Roux

"Forever is a long long time

When you lost your way

Trying to follow your ideals"

-Phoenix

"You contradict everything, and I don't care

Your logic is twisted, and I don't care

I'll pretend to be happy, and I don't care"

-Deadmau5

"Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."- Grey's Anatomy

Okay, I know... these are all depressing quotes. This was what I call post-nyfa depression. Everything made sense for a split second & then it all fell apart again. I was starting to learn I was not happy in college, but not taking action to change it... yet. Just kept waking up & living the same day on repeat. No life in it... very blah.. very dark... very NOT okay. At least I found a way to express my self to MYSELF... simply & kind heartedly, for example: "FUCK OFF" .... try it, you'll feel better, i promise.

SiMPLE TRUTHS

"Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other." -Euripides

Well here are some journal entries from fall semester. I was still on my creative high from NYFA and trying to remember all the relaxation methods we learned. Some people think inspirational shit is stupid, but I love it so back off. I surround myself constantly with little quotes, music lyrics, or pictures that inspire me. It helps to remind yourself what the main focus of your life is-or should be. I'm a driven person, so I always want to be doing something!

My BEAUTiFUL soul mate. I love this picture.

"I've realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to be happy. When I get logical and I dont trust my instincts- that's when I get in trouble"- Angelina Jolie

"Feeling the past moving in. Letting a new day begin"- Deadmau5

LAUGHTER iS SO iMPORTANT>>> seriously, I live by this rule. The most difficult/depressing moments in my life have been when there is no laughter. Sometimes I will realize, shit Samantha you have not been laughing- you are clearly NOT being you & not hanging out with the right people. I know I am unique... mehh okay kinda weird. But I know it and embrace it. & therefore, I love people who can just be real & not be afraid to be silly. Never, ever take life too seriously. Laughter can cure broken hearts, it can mend the pain if even only for that split second.

Another thing I have come to accept, is that happiness starts with yourself. Life happens. Life sucks sometimes. Like can fucking wear you down. But it is worth it once you find out what and how you can be happy. I realized I was just so unhappy at Arizona. I respect everyone there and everyone I have met & it is a wonderful school that works out for so many people. But for ME, it was not right. I (don't) love college. Sorry. Art makes me happy. Big cities make me happy. Acting, music, passion, laughter, love, thrift stores, iced coffee, true friendships, so on blah blah. I choose happiness. & I am moving on to a place where I am happy. I am me.

PURSUE HOPE

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.” - Sex & the City

Thank you to these people above for making me feel again. I found my place.

"These are the times that try a girl's soul. We don't know where to turn, what to think. We lie in bed in the morning desperately searching for a reason to get up."- A Girl's Guide to Chaos

So I finally got my nose pierced last summer, which is this picture. I still love it. tattoo in the future?

"all the crazy shit i did tonight, those will be the best memories. i just wanna let it go tonight, that'll be the best therapy for me" - Kid Cudi

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

Albert Einstein

"Remember that LOVE starts with a passion to pursue fighting hate." -Rebelution

Last of summer 2009... running away from a crazy lady. Hey Tam, is that your ice cream bowl? Don't answer that... Are those knives stuck in your door? Don't answer that either.

"A true friend sees the pain in your eyes while others only see the smile"

::LiVE FREE::

"There is one rule to be learned. Life is outside you.

If it is outside you, you must go towards it." - Stella Adler

The most amazing thing about these people is how we all came together. Everything could have been so different, if we all just stayed to ourselves outside of class. But we always wanted to be together, we always wanted to experience life. There were people from America, England, Egypt, Russia, Spain, Brazil, Uganda, Lebanon... and many others! It truly made me realize how SMALL my life is. The world is so huge and I want to know more than just what's around me. I am never in the same place in the U.S. anyways so lets see where I can stretch the boundaries even more. oh yeeeee.

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

"Not all who wander are lost."-Tolkien

"In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own." ~Steven Kloves

After NYFA wrapped up, I headed back to Arizona for school. These goodbyes were unreal. I mean we were all strangers 6 weeks prior and I felt as if I was leaving life long friends. The last thing I had on my mind was school, but life happens and it was where my commitments were. It was a little rough, because all I wanted to do was be back in acting classes. I was missing my creative outlet, and so I had to keep reminding myself what I was capable of, while maintaining the college kid life=not my thing.

journal begins...

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

-E.W. Wucox

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love"

"if you're lucky enough to be different from everyone else....don't change to be the same"

"& This above all: to thine own self be true." ~ William Shakespeare

Last summer I spent a month in Europe & 6 weeks at an acting intensive in LA at The New York Film Academy (Universal Studios location). It was a life changing summer, where I truly aspired to become an actress one day & believe in the power of my dreams. I returned to college at the University of Arizona in the fall for my Sophomore year. However, the inspiration and passion I had discovered could not be lived as a college student. Recently I have decided to move to Los Angeles- FINALLY. In July, I will be a full time student at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. & before I begin this new chapter in my life, I want to reflect on the past year through my personal journal. My journal started as something random to remember all these great moments. Somehow it ended up as an artistic personal reflection so I figured I would share (well not everything...) but a pretty good insight into the life of a girl with ambitions. It was a year full of many life lessons & how I got steered back on this path-- the pursuit of happiness & my dreams.