dress my best

 pretty dresses make me happy.

 brandy melville

free people

brandy melville 

quote of the day

was it ever worth it?

needed a song. this came on.



While we're on the subject
Could we change the subject now?
I was knocking on your ear's door but you were always out
Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well we knew we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh please just last

Everyone's unhappy
Everyone's ashamed
Well we all just got caught looking
At somebody else's page
Well nothing ever went
Quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water
But we used them like a dam

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell
Saying yes, this is a fine promotion
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell

Of course everyone goes crazy
Over such and such and such
We made ourselves a pillar
We just used it as a crutch
We were certainly uncertain
At least I'm pretty sure I am
Well we didn't need the water
But we just built that good God dam

Oh, and I know this of myself
I assume as much for other people
Oh, and I know this of myself
We've listened more to life's end gong
Than the sound of life's sweet bliss

Was it ever worth it?
Was there all that much to gain?
Well we knew we missed the boat
And we'd already missed the plane
We didn't read the invite
We just dance at our wake
All our favorites were playing
So we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

Tiny curtains open and we heard the tiny clap of little hands
A tiny man would tell a little joke and get a tiny laugh from all the folks
Sitting drifting around in bubbles and thinking it was us that carried them
When we finally got it figured out that we had truly missed the boat

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and we owned all the tools ourselves
But not the skills to make a shelf with
Oh, what useless tools ourselves

stare blankly

i've considered many of times to just fucking start all over and begin a new blog. but i have a hard time betraying what was me, and the idea of not bringing you who i am.

we are drunk on the idea that love can and will save us. but what about when it doesn't? where do you turn? how do you move forward? how do you become okay with your brokenness? i think that is what we are all desperately searching for. if only i get this---- and then that---- but the thing is you cannot runaway from who you are, it will always catch up with you.

drunk on the idea that love, only love could heal our brokenness

"to laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children. to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the BETRAYAL of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit BETTER. whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even ONE life breathed easier because YOU have lived. THIS is to have succeeded." -Emerson

"music is just a means of creating a magical state." -Robert Fripp

"i have always had a certain song in my head, a certain chemistry of sounds." -Bjork

"i just wanted a song to sing & there came a point where i couldn't sing anything... nobody else was writing what i wanted to sing. i couldn't find it anywhere. if i could i probably would never have started writing." -Bob Dylan

"basically, the whole world is doomed. so the way that i try to make it better... is by playing music that could be spiritually uplifting, that could put people in a positive state of mind. where they would have the energy to get up & do something, anything." -Red Hot Chili Peppers

"in the end i think of music as saving grace for all humanity." - Henry Miller

we all may be broken

she writes & she writes until the pieces fall into place. the mistakes will never be erased, but she stopped avoiding reality. she accepted her flaws. her past. her regrets. her unspoken words and soon discovered the pain drifting away. all the hurt and tragedy she once knew was turning into magic. 
maybe, she thought to herself, you really do have to hit rock bottom before you get back on your feet. this is who i am and i will not and can not feel ashamed... and although it may not be perfect, she found HOPE. she was willing to fight every single day for the endless days that her voice was taken away from her. she had been silenced for too long and this was a fight worth fighting.
the girl put down her pen, closed her journal & suddenly, in the blink of an eye, the world started making sense again.
...
she started to really love the life she had. & before she knew it, life knocked her back down again. hard. so much so, she began to believe she was bulletproof. because she was still alive. and she may be hurting again, but what do you have, she thought when you've lost everything?
well, she wrote and wrote once more & she accepted that if she has nothing to lose, well then my dear, you have everything to gain.
so why would you ever, ever give up now? she thought.
& she reminded herself, once more, where she has been, what she has gone through & that if all adds up, she is finally beginning to become the person she was meant to me.
mistakes don't happen. they make you.

mend the pain

most days, i have a hard time believing that i am headed the right way...

& i think that is normal for most of us...
because many times we are so lost and in need to be found.
& this is weird for me, but i think this song is so sincere...