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Aug 16, 2011

I can't breathe without you, but i have to.

i had my first showcase last weekend at Kulack's Woodshed in the Valley Village. (pretty much North Hollywood area)
this is me in Joy Graysen's studio warming up. she's my vocal coach and she is amazing. i met her daughter, Sky, at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts- summer session. Which was also my first encounter with singing for a class. It was a huge fear of mine , I would literally cry because i was so uncomfortable.. like wtf this is an acting school right?
anyways, the more i was forced to face my fear, i discovered that i wasn't a horrible singer if i could just open myself up and not be afraid to be heard. Sky caught my attention because she had/has such a gorgeous voice. She told me her mom was a vocal coach and I asked for her number & the rest is history. I've been going to her for about a year now, since I was living in Toluca Lake.
It is quite the time commitment with the traffic there and back now that I live in West Hollywood, but it is worth it beyond words. When I first started I was very mechanical, I didn't know how to use my voice. But it is starting to become more organic and it is a lot like acting. Once I surrender myself to the song, once I feel every word I am singing, the sound comes out beautifully without getting in my head.
At any rate, I have been collaborating the guitar and my voice lessons. (I've been teaching myself how to play guitar since January). So this past weekend was the first time I sang and played for a live audience- and it was also filmed and streaming live as I was performing... NO PRESSURE.
I was nervous, but tried to put up my fourth wall as I would do in acting. My dad and brother watched live online and my mom was there in person. It was an out of body experience and after I was done I started tearing up (of course) always telling myself negative thoughts.
but as I was on my way home I was overwhelmed with positive feedback. My brother (who is hard to impress) was seriously shocked. He said he wasn't expecting me to be good, but thought I was amazing. All i know, is that i fall in love with singing more and more every day. It is new to me, but I am ready for more & the more I perform the more as ease i will become.
I sang "Breathe" by Taylor Swift and "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry. As Taylor Swift once said, "every guitar player remember the first song that they wanted to learn on guitar" and for her it was Cowboy Take me Away by the dixie chicks. As for me, mine was one of her songs, "breathe" The song has a lot of emotional value to me, as it was the song that got me through heartbreak, the song that got my guitar strumming going when i was clueless and the song that taught me how to let go of the fear of hearing my own voice and letting myself be okay with sounding good.
"If I Die Young" is another song I've learned on the guitar, and it is a really sad song that can bring me to tears when I picture myself singing it to my family. My family is my life. they have saved me from all things bad, and to know that not only that they were watching live- but that they were proud of me... well, that's everything to me. that's why i do it.

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