for the dreamers...

Hi all, or anyone who may still read my blog.i am deeply sorry that i have been away for so long, & even more so that i promised to blog again & did not follow through. but life happens.

& as life would have it, mine has been a bit... well unhinged. this past year has been the hardest/most painful of them all, and if you did once upon a time follow my blog you may know i battled an eating disorder for about 8 years, yet the worst hadn't happened. so i guess my falling out would have to do with a subject thats still a bit too soon for me to open up about. questions about EDs? i got you. because i won that battle & i know how impossible those odds are. so sincerely, i want to & will be there for ANYONE who is struggling along the lines of ed's, depression, what have you... i have only wanted to inspire people who are like me & who feel lost/have felt lost/ don't quite know where to go from here...

so i guess i am posting this to say i am back. & i am always, ALWAYS here for those who need someone to talk to. anonymous or not. thats the beauty of letting it all go, i held on to secrets for so long & this blog helped me to share & not feel so crazy. so if you feel crazy, you are NOT. you are beautiful. being weird is brilliant. being different is perfection. being an individual is what sets you apart. so be different, be weird. because the most beautiful people are. xxx

-samantha america

sup playa

LEAVE COMMENTS ON MY BLOG NOT FACEBOOK! please oh please. and thank you.

my blog comments are so sad.... let me hear from youuuu. send requests. send pictures!

**blog comments=make my day!

**facebook messages= kinda creep me out. no offense!

****PLEASE let me know if you friend request me that you found me from my blog, otherwise i will ignore it, but i've added a lot of facebook friends because of this stupid blog & they are really great.

follow me twitter @ http://twitter.com/samanthamerica !!

xo.

playlist #4

Hiiiii. so i should be posting more music... i just made a very mellow playlists for nights like tonight when i have a lot of work to do and just want to relax. most of the songs are fairly old, but still great.

A girl who reads my blog sent me a 30 day song challenge.. it seems really cool so i told her i would post it. here are the first 15 of the 30. I will start it tomorrow, so be checking back. now listen to some sleepytime music at the bottom of this post. xxx

Day 01 - Your favorite song
Day 02 - Your least favorite song
Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere
Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 - A song that you can dance to
Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 - A song from your favorite bandDay 12 - A song from a band you hate
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 - A song that describes you
without music, life would be way too quite. i use lyrics to define my life.

Create a MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

ranting is fun.

here comes this feeling i find impossible to explain. as if my world is spinning and all i need to do to escape is to write. i never know what i am about to write or what it is i feel the need to say.

but more than not i often find the message i have been searching for if i just let my mind take over. in an extreme comparison it feels like an anxiety attack. like fuck, i must be sharing these thoughts.

i think i'm a bit over having terribly high highs and terribly low lows. it comes in shifts and it's exhausting. i was thinking on my drive home from venice-- that i slightly think "talent" is bullshit...

i think that we have so much more potential then we realize. yes, some people have more talent in certain areas than other, but who is to tell me what i am good or not good at? i say there is nothing wrong to start something you wish you would have done or maybe JUST now realized you wanted to do. (ex. for me= i WILL learn how to play the piano and guitar, when i have time...)

i think if people tell you that you just don't have the talent that you should tell them to fuck off. because after all, we are all humans. ha okay i struggle a bit with authority over me, but sometimes it's just like dude, really? do you remember when you were young? and when the world was your playground and you didn't have it so figured out then either...

but at some point, i find that people gain bad qualities with success. if you achieve something after working so hard for it, wouldn't you want to share it. wouldn't you want to help people? i mean i would.. so i will leave this train of thought with this: you control your own life, you really can do great things in your lifetime. get off the couch, put down the bong, and go out and live in the real world.

i have got to do a lot of work right now with my character analysis/memorizing lines/ memorizing my song, but i have a lot of stuff i want to post later & i have gotten some suggestions that i am going to take on. xxx

ps. yes you read that right, memorizing my song. I HAVE TO SING A SOLO FROM LES MIS TOMORROW AND I'M TERRIFIED. but i won't let anyone know it. meeeeer.

HEY you!

Helloooo thur dahlins! just real quick, i have been getting some really great feedback from readers on facebook & twitter. so thanks a lot :) i would love to see more comments on my actual blog then through facebook, because sometimes i overlook stuff on fb with all the random apps and zoos, farms? and what not... ha, so feel free to comment on my pages!
another thing, is feel free to ask questions or give suggestions. or if you are just searching for the right quote or song to go with your life, if you give me "break up" "sad" "happy as fuck" ... you get it, i can post specifically for that.
derrrrrr, i feel like i had something else to day... umm yeah, no? okay kewl. share my blog with yoooo friends or don't. but like that would be cool, ha sidetracked because i am leaving for AUDIOTISTIC in a few hours.
time to get rave/music fety-ied out. have a lovely day!

"So many will try to destroy me. So many, over and over, coming in periods of greatness. But in this period, I cannot be broken."- lady gaga