here comes this feeling i find impossible to explain. as if my world is spinning and all i need to do to escape is to write. i never know what i am about to write or what it is i feel the need to say.
but more than not i often find the message i have been searching for if i just let my mind take over. in an extreme comparison it feels like an anxiety attack. like fuck, i must be sharing these thoughts.
i think i'm a bit over having terribly high highs and terribly low lows. it comes in shifts and it's exhausting. i was thinking on my drive home from venice-- that i slightly think "talent" is bullshit...
i think that we have so much more potential then we realize. yes, some people have more talent in certain areas than other, but who is to tell me what i am good or not good at? i say there is nothing wrong to start something you wish you would have done or maybe JUST now realized you wanted to do. (ex. for me= i WILL learn how to play the piano and guitar, when i have time...)
i think if people tell you that you just don't have the talent that you should tell them to fuck off. because after all, we are all humans. ha okay i struggle a bit with authority over me, but sometimes it's just like dude, really? do you remember when you were young? and when the world was your playground and you didn't have it so figured out then either...
but at some point, i find that people gain bad qualities with success. if you achieve something after working so hard for it, wouldn't you want to share it. wouldn't you want to help people? i mean i would.. so i will leave this train of thought with this: you control your own life, you really can do great things in your lifetime. get off the couch, put down the bong, and go out and live in the real world.
i have got to do a lot of work right now with my character analysis/memorizing lines/ memorizing my song, but i have a lot of stuff i want to post later & i have gotten some suggestions that i am going to take on. xxx
ps. yes you read that right, memorizing my song. I HAVE TO SING A SOLO FROM LES MIS TOMORROW AND I'M TERRIFIED. but i won't let anyone know it. meeeeer.