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Dec 13, 2010

everything is beautiful & nothing hurt

so i'm sitting on my balcony with my laptop and my chai tea & it suddenly hits me--- so much about my life is different from where i stood a year ago. literally in every aspect, location. school. people. friends. work load. streets. highways. traffic. teachers. frustrations. nightlife. favorite songs. struggles. achievements. downfalls. strides. hair color... city lights. lifestyle. crushes. heartbreak. lust. dreams. every.single.thing. yet, i am still very much the same.
  i will have my same best friends my whole life, and my family will always be there for me and my personality is something i don't let anyone or anything take away from me. i have a love for life that i can't explain, but i struggle from day to day to live up to it. i think we generally do not give ourselves enough credit for the things we have done. i know i don't... i'm usually over thinking situations or analyzing every detail and kicking myself for what i "should have" or "could have" done. but at the end of the day, despite whatever goals or standards you have not yet reached, you (i) must remember to give myself some slack.
people change, change is the only consistent thing in life. and it is not always easy. but i think back to christmas eve last year, sitting at a nice restaurant and telling my dad my "new years resolutions" granted, new year's resolutions are very cliche and usually never happen. i remember being really driven and listing off all these goals and i was not going to let anyone stand in my way to get them done. so at any rate, whoever you are that is reading this by accident or by chance or because you genuinely like to read my blog; just remember to be proud of yourself and the things you have done. stop beating yourself up over the other stuff. because i certainly get it, i have been so hard on myself recently about what i have done WRONG so far.
but fuck it, i am at a school that literally fell into my hands by chance. i found the place i didn't know i was looking for. i have learned so much, improved so much, and challenged myself with things i never knew i was capable of doing. so yeah, i just get that things do happen for a reason. nobody is perfect, but no one will ever get to where they want to go without taking the initiative.
your dreams are closer than you could ever imagine and when life gets too hard to handle, if the pressure surpasses the passion, if you aren't happy with yourself... then i advise you to take a step back and look around at everything about you that is great.
and lastly to sum up another one of my spur of the moment rants... never take a day for granted, never think of a day as unimportant because those are the days where you may discover something extraordinary.

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