My Blog List

Nov 29, 2010

let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

sometimes it's true, when it rains it fucking pours. my past semester has been an overwhelming experience with new material, life lessons, and never ending illnesses. last week was so stressful that it was like fighting a battle. i felt so defeated, but i made it through.
 my schedule is less strenuous until winter break, so i feel really encouraged. going off little sleep, i was in an extremely good mood today. it sucks because my potential lead role got ruined because of my tardies... oops, those caught up on me. i still have a decent role for the exam play, but it's kind of my time to redeem myself and get my head on straight.
 i think at some point i became so overwhelmed, i just couldn't deal. but i feel as if i can breathe again, i feel like i am myself again! i see this all from a positive point of view, because my hours are shorter and earlier, which gives me more free time. free time to play the guitar again and take voice lessons :)
 so in retrospect, the disappointment led to exactly what i needed. more time to get my creative energies flowing on my own. it was like all the work became too stressful that it wasn't fun anymore, and i'm ready to make it fun again. thats what it's all about.
so yeah. i lost hope in myself for a minute, and sometimes you just got to find a way to have faith. life is to hard not to have something to believe in. there's really nothing worse than hitting rock bottom alone.
believe in yourself. believe in your talents. because no matter how many other people do, the only person who can make it happen is yourself. 

oh and lastly, i really like diddy's new song. which will soon be ruined by being overplayed on the radio, so enjoy while it lasts...

Nov 27, 2010

frosty sparkles

Free people + christmas time = heaven on earth
 fucking adorable. and the best part is...
 they are opening a store in NASHVILLE!!!!
 i can't wait to get home & check it out :)
 i really need to apply for a job at one of their los angeles stores... yess, needs to happen

leggy fashion

Nov 26, 2010

relax & refresh

so i had a really weird thanksgiving, i was suppose to be in Kansas City with the family and cousins... but as luck would have it i kept getting really intense abdominal pains. it lasted all through my finals, and it was so painful i was in tears a few times a day when the pain was the worst.
my finals consisted of performing monologues, songs, dances, scenes, etc. so it was really defeating when the random pains started. but, i pushed through and i was pretty happy with how they all went. it just became and obstacle in the scenes.
but the pain still hasnt gone away, so i called my mom and told her i just couldnt travel like that and spent thanksgiving with my friends.
i'm thankful for my amazing family, even though i'm not with them. i'm thankful for so many things in my life right now... and i would be even more thankful if the pain would go awayy!!! :)
well, now i just have down time in LA, which is rare. so i am trying to make the most of it.
i return to school on monday and we start exam play rehersals. no more classes, just rehearsal 4 hours a day. it's kinda cool how they change it up all the time.
i hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving. i am in desperate need of some R&R. locking the door, just need to be alone and be myself. catch up on sleep and get healthy!
much love. xxxo

Nov 20, 2010

thank you

i just wanted to thank anyone who has reached out to me. your messages and comments keep me going.

"This message is super random but I just wanted to tell you how inspiring your blog is. I've had a really hard first two years of college and many of your quotes and messages on your blog are really encouraging and are helping me gain a new perspective. I also wanted to ask you about where you like to shop. Your style is so amazing and effortless! Anyway I know this is a little random but I just thought I would tell you how much I love your blog and keep up the good work!"

 "I am a dweeb when it comes to artistic and neat blogs and such and saw your pictures on i think free peoples. Your pictures are legit. Just thought you should know. You seem really cool and I love seeing other peoples passion for art and creative ideas."

"i had tell you how special it is. It is so beautifully YOU. Personal favourite quotes are Einstein and Jolie at the end, SO good. Hope your well and best of luck with the drama school. Its great to know that your still acting x"

"i know i don't know you personally, but i came across your blog and i couldn't pull myself away from it. you have a beautiful insight on life that has really inspired me. so thank you for that."

"WOW i just thought i would post you a comment becos your blog/page is amaazing & you are so talent :) infact the most wisest person i have come across & i dont even know you, yet you relate to life so greeat i lust your blogs :)i read them everytime you update & you sound so interesting and look for the good things in should make a book with all these quotes/pictures & poems you have collected along the way. p.s your photography is raad!im envious.haha. keep it up your beautiful insideout. x"

"I came across your blog ; I really just love everything you post! You have the best style, and I'm starting to really get into some of the music you've talked about. Just wondering if maybe sometime you could kind of post a playlist type thing - your favourite songs from your favourite artists or just what you're listening to this summer. Goodluck in LA, I can see you going far! :)"

love & pain.

i have had some pretty incredible experiences lately that have made me realize that i am finally accomplishing goals i've always wanted. i've been so caught up in school work, and i know i need to write and reflect on these things when they happen. the fact that i still get messages from strangers who have read my blog and just want to thank me for helping be an inspiration... is well, that's what it's all about. just knowing i have changed one person's life is enough, but changing lives is a dream come true.

i got a message recently that was really sweet so i wanted to quote tid bits of it:  "i just wanted to say your blog.. what you're doing. it matters to me... you have completely expanded my horizon on the types of music i listen to, and now thanks to you it's kind of unbearable to get through a day without passion pit :) and i wouldn't have it any other way. you also have a great sense of style, it's kind of fearless actually.thank you, for being an inspiration on more than one occassion!"
so yes this thing that i am doing, whatever it really is... it's going somewhere. i like to put my ideas and passion out into the world to let other people know that it's okay to be who you are. it's okay to be scared, we all need courage to finally accept ourselves. this is the most certain i have been about my life in a very long time. it hasn't been the easiest journey, but it sure as hell has become real. i had a breakthrough moment in my acting class the other day. probably the biggest wall i have torn down and success i have felt as an acting student. 
i had to take myself to a very dark place for a scene. i could have avoided the realness of what was at stake, and merely tried to "act" it. but, i let go. i let myself get to a sad and angry emotion that was needed for the type of scene i was doing. it was so real that is was scary at first, i couldn't clear right away. but once i got it under control, i was in complete awe. it felt so surreal and unexplainable and so perfect. i remembered in that moment why i have always wanted to do this. why does anyone want to act? well, because most actors are crazy. but the crazy one's touch other people lives. i saw i had affected people who were watching the scene, they felt MY pain because it was honest.
 & thats where my journey has taken me recently. i have conquered so much in such a short amount of time. as cliche as it sounds, i do believe everything happens for a reason. the fact that i am at my dream school is fate. i wasn't even looking at it for a full time education, i only auditioned for the summer program. at my audition i was asked if i wanted to be reviewed for the year so i said yes, and well look at where i'm at now.
 my teachers and peers are all becoming so precious to me. and i have never had that before. i am facing challenges and struggles, but releasing talents that i always wondered if i even had. i feel very at home and like i am really getting to where i have been trying to go for so long..

i don't want to ramble on and on, okay i already have... but i just, i don't know, i get it right now. i understand why bad things happen, because if you hold on long enough, if you fight a little harder, you will realize you are stronger than you could have ever dreamed of being. maybe you're not so crazy after all. never give into the idea that you must be ordinary. life takes courage loves. 

Nov 16, 2010

i just, i don't know.

I'm a bit annoyed with school at the moment. I understand there must be rules, but I would like a little freedom for my art. i mean it's suppose to be a creative place, not boot camp.
i literally have to go back to school right now, running off very little sleep. i came home to just chill out for a moment alone...
 tuesdays are the longest, so once i get past today it's all downhill. I'm looking forward to my voice lesson tonight though, music has yet to fail me or trap me, and i am happy for that.
i'll try and post some stuff later tonight and respond to any messages. please let me know on facebook if you are friending me because of my blog. i'll add you, but if i don't know i may not.
have a beautiful day. love xx