playlist #7 & self reflection.

So I started getting a little paranoid yesterday because I was looking back on older posts & was about ready to delete a bunch of them to save myself any humiliation if (insert name of judgmental person here) saw them. But then I just took a moment to reflect back on everything I had written, and I can say that I am not ashamed or embarrassed. I have no problem sharing my thoughts with whoever wants to hear, so needless to say, I did not delete anything. Because it is real.

I'm reading "Eat, Pray, Love" right now & she talks about her "inner voice" not in a religious way, but more as her writing voice. This reminded me of my type of writing because I do that, I literally write to myself and give myself advice. To my dismay, I don't always listen to myself. But in these situation I find myself saying some wise things. But the problem is for me, I will write, post, and go on with my life. I too often forget to continue these minutes of extreme passion. So, here are a few of my own personal quotes from older posts that I wanted to remind myself that I once said. And I want to share with you, because I think it has some value....

"You can always find lyrics for the words you can't find or are too scared to say out loud. No one says what they think anymore, so here [music] is a way to fake it. It mends you. It rebuilds you. It inspires you."

Create a MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

"Trust me, its better to feel too much than feel nothing at all. It's okay to hurt. it means your alive. Don't shut off the bad,

let it in so you can heal."

"I always seem to be reminded of my goals when people let me down. Not as if they became less important, but it is the most stable part of my life. People come in & out of your life. They can fool you even when you are as stubborn and hard headed as me. Thats why it's so important to have passion in things you love. LIVE WHAT YOU LOVE. It's the only love that won't change it's mind and walk away."

"Because sometimes all the hard times can turn into a new realm of creativity.... & once that happens, it's beautiful. You get back to things you have always wanted to do & pushed away for a while. Letting yourself hurt like hell, will bring you back to happier days. Even after those days where you physically hurt just thinking about something that's lost. & that's when you realize life is what you make it. Life is how you live it. You make your life work out & you'll find your happy ending one day."

"I think it's okay to want to make a difference. I think it's okay to express yourself in a world where people rarely do. I think it's okay to screw up too many times to count, but to learn from each mistake. I think it's okay to put yourself out there, even if you look stupid. I think it's okay to be a kid at heart... I think it's okay to truly NOT give a fuck what people think about you. I think it's okay to believe in love despite a broken heart. I think it's okay to have confidence in the unknown, simply to know that your life will be more than okay, but that it will be beautiful."

"Some people are like poison and can really affect your life negatively if you do not stand up for yourself and realize you deserve so much more."

sweet nashville

i am seriously so happy to be home. it really humbles me, and gives me a piece of mind. it's such a safe place for me, because no matter what is going on in my life as crazy or as boring it may be-- i come home and my whole world is normal again. like i have never even left, or as if i haven't even changed or grown up. but reality is, i am changing. i change every year.. every day. sometimes good sometimes bad. but it really is crazy coming back here after just being in LA for the summer, and detoxing from all that bullshit for a week. i love the genuine people here and the kindness.i really do love California, but it's so exhausting and everyone is competition and every day is a new challenge. so i'm just soaking up this bit of sanity i can, because i know in just a few days i need to return with a strong head on my shoulders. because as much as that world scares me, i know how much i want to be apart of it. i was watching the Emmy's here in nashville with my parents and all i could think was "i want to be there one day, i want to be there one day.. i WILL BE THERE ONE DAY"... so my whole life circle continues, it goes to show that no matter what i will be a nashville girl at heart, but the desire to be apart of entertainment business always wins in these situations.. because now i just really want to get back and prove myself.

sup playa

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pretty bitch.

the time is now pretty little bitches. the time is now.today i give myself permission to be selfish. to seriously start living for myself. because as much as i try to, i always wind up worrying to much about other people's feelings...
and what they are doing and not enough about myself. to a point where it is not vain- i, for now, am taking up the all about me routine.

i fucking see it done all the time and usually it pisses me off because i'm like hayyy!! over here, let me in your life you asshole!so none of that. no more over thinking and just doing. going with my gut and deciding based on intuition and not too much on the pros & cons.
i can figure that out as i go along. so i am setting myself free to chose to do the things i want to do, to seek opportunities that i might miss if i am not paying attention, and in return ability to reject things i DON'T want to do.
i want to prosper in music because it simply feels so right. i enjoy every moment of singing and struggling with the guitar. but i just have this intuitive thought that i should inquire this as a part of my future.
i will also have a full album worth of songs one day. i already have a ton of lyrics. because thats what i do, i write, and i love music. so i need to find someone to collaborate with to make sweet music.
and i will write a book. in fact i have already started it. this has been a very forceful feeling of something i MUST do. it will be a tell all book. a bit of an autobiography from "daddy's perfect little girl... and her unexposed ugly truths."
it will be intense, so i will have to figure out how to go about it. because as a self proclaimed writer with no degree, i'll need to think cautiously about what i say. i think i can help people if i ever finish the book one day.
i really do.

acceptance.

i wish everyone a happy and healthy weekend. see your flaws as imperfections and don't be too hard on yourself. this is your life, enjoy it. love yourself. xxxo
oh yeah, NASHVILLE SAYS hello!!!! i am seriously so filled with joy to be home right now. i have missed this place so much. my family has so many musical instruments to chose from and i went straight to the acoustic guitar, which apparently is wayyy more expensive than the shit one i have in LA.
it plays like a dream and it is so much easier to hold and change chords. i'm going to steal it mwahaha but if i get caught by the madre, i will def practice on it the entire time im here!! seriously stoked!!!
insanity::: doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome. it YOU who must change your bad habits.
oh and also my friend Caroline from this summer (she interned in LA) is in Nashville this weekend so I cant wait to see her!
hmm okay thats all. so happy i didn't miss my flight.. yeah thats right i literally almost missed it this morning, i left my bag in my car and literally walked on the flight with just myself and my computer.
best wishes xxxx create YOUR life. live your passion. make CHANGES if you are unhappy!

confessions #4

1. i have the most thoughts in my head when i say nothing at all. sometimes i don't know what to say. sometimes i don't know where to start. and sometimes i'm so tired of the same old story being told over and over that i just don't want to waste my words on you anymore. so i don't. 2. Emma Stone is my current girl crush. i think she is rad as fuck. i lovee her work, i love her raspy voice. i love that she is not naturally a red head but after superbad she kept the look-- it suits her! she has a long career in store for her, i feel it. & she has a new movie coming out called "Easy A"
3. Micheal Cera's face makes me laugh every single time i see it. hahaha i am laughing write now... awkwardly alone at the airport starbucks.
3. steve carell is right up there with my favorite comedians of all time (Paul Rudd, Jason Segal, Adam Sandler...)

4. this little chart below is the story of my pathetic life...5. music will always be a part of me. i have music on from the moment i wake up to when i go to bed. i go crazy without it, i literally can't think or drive from point A to B in silence.

6. pinkberry is like crack. my summer addiction: mango & original swirl. with kiwi, blue berries, one scoop of perline hazel nut topping (SOO FUCKING GOOD) & yogurt chips. mmm7. i really miss "The O.C." & more importantly seth cohen. hes my favorite geek hearthrob of all time. seth & summer forever!! get back together you two!!!
8. i have always secretly been a lakers fan, but everyone was like oh my gahh like you're like so nawt from LA you like know that right? YEAH BITCH. now i'm a local. suuuup go lakers.